Laela and I are sitting around, watching Sleeping Beauty. I've been in a very Disney mood this week, we've already watched The Jungle Book, Alice in Wonderland, and Finding Nemo. I love the ambience of Disney movies, they make the house feel so cozy. And Laela seems to like them too. She's rolling around on the floor, chewing on her toy.

She really seems like she might actually crawl, but there's always a snag. Now she gets on all fours and moves her feet, but her hands do not follow suit. Then her legs straighten out and she army crawls away. But, she's getting better at turning, and is going forward more. She's also starting to develop the ability to get from her stomach to sitting. She's a pro at going from sitting to her stomach, but once there she prefers to yell until someone sits her up haha. Laela is also getting really good at standing. We got her a musical activity table, since there isn't really anywhere for her to pull up and cruise in our living room. She really likes it, and it's helping her learn another important skill- how to get down haha. She's learning to sit down on her bottom instead of falling over to the side.

All in all, I've really been enjoying this stage. She's also eating like a champ. The gagging is much better, and she actually swallows her food, and lots of it. Since Laela hasn't exhibited any food allergies so far, I have moved the trial period for her food from a week to a couple of days. In the last few weeks we've started wheat cereal, tofu, chicken, avocado, beets, lentils, white beans, basil and cinnamon. And she's loved it all. I'm so glad that, so far anyway, she seems to be really open to trying new foods. That's why I'm trying to get as many new things in as I can while she's like that. And, briefly anyway, it seemed that eating a large meal of solid food right before bed was helping her sleep better, but the last few days she's been waking up frequently. She even slept for 12 hours straight the other night, but I knew it was too good to be true. My hope is that, at the very least, she will stop waking at night once she's weaned. At that point, all that will be offered at night is a cup of water haha.

I've also been doing some spring cleaning, very slowly. I'm going room by room, making a list of things to do for each, and crossing them off as a go. I'm trying not to have a timeline, and so far it's working. Earlier I used the shop vac to vacuum under our bed. Harlock is terrified of the vacuum, so I moved her to the living room chair, and I shut the door so Laela wouldn't be afraid either. When I was done I peaked into the living room to see Harlock cowering on the couch and Laela playing happily. Laela is clearly the more brave of the two haha. I really want to move some of our decorations around the house, just to change things up. I got new pillows for the couch, and I really want to do some more little improvements. It's been a while since we've updated, and I feel like everything has been in the same place for so long that we've stopped noticing it.

It also looks like tomorrow is actually going to be a nice day. It's been pretty rainy here all week. It's so hard because I'm very ready to get out and work on the yard and go to the park more. I hate being cooped up for too long. I want to pick up some mulch tomorrow and get to work. It's still a little early to plant flowers, but our daffodils are slowly coming up in the front yard. My plan is to plant some herbs in pots in the back yard, and then plant some more flowers in the front. We have enough flowers in the back already, but I might add in some wild flowers. And, I have to finish the project I started last fall, when I bulldozed the hedges on the side of the driveway haha. I need to cut them all the way down, add mulch, and paint the side of the house where they were. I can't wait to get to work!

Life is chugging along pretty well for us this month. I had some car trouble yesterday, but luckily I was able to get it in and fixed right away. Laela is going to the doctor this afternoon. I've been doing really well at keeping up with the house, probably because it's such a pain to take Laela out in the cold and snow that we stay home most of the time. But, after yesterday's wrench in the schedule, it seems like it's already veering out of control again. I always envisioned life as a stay at home mom as one in a comfortable, lived in home that I wouldn't worry about cleaning all the time if it meant spending more time with my kids. But, I feel like whenever there is a mess I just feel really guilty. If I'm cleaning I feel guilty that I'm not spending time with Laela, and if I'm spending time with Laela I feel guilty about not cleaning. Hopefully at some point I'll find a system that works. Laela is starting to get up on all fours in her crib and rock back and forth. I sense that crawling is just around the corner, and I'm currently trying to decide how much baby proofing will be necessary. With the way our house is set up, I don't think we'll need to do much, since she can easily be corralled into the living room. I'm also seeing some improvement in her sleeping. I've been going back and forth about doing some sort of "sleep training", though not crying it out because I don't feel comfortable with that at all. I'll let her cry for a few minutes to see if she'll settle down, but then I go get her. After a lot of time spent worrying that not taking care of this now will ruin her ability to sleep later, I've realized that she's slowly but surely sleeping more at night. It's not every night, there are some times that she wakes up 3-4 times, but usually those are before midnight, so I'm not asleep anyway. But, the number of times she's slept through the night in the last month are way more than the month before. I'm hoping this pattern continues. I realize that she wakes up when she needs something, whether it be comfort or food. And it's my job to take care of that, not force her to conform to the schedule I'd prefer. I sincerely hope that, at some point I learn to just relax because most problems work themselves out on their own, but I doubt it haha.

After the events of 2010, many of which I am still wrapping my head around, I was very relieved and somewhat excited to greet 2011. I don't do resolutions, because they always seem to become negative very quickly. I slip up and then feel very bad about myself. So I try to just improve things day by day, instead of setting hard to reach long term goals. I do enjoy the feeling of a fresh start though, so I've been working on that. I'm planning on using the last of my Christmas money for a much-needed massage and hair cut, that I'm thoroughly looking forward to. I also learned, upon purchasing a bathroom scale, that I'm back to my pre-Laela weight! I'm very happy about that, and feeling much better about myself. I still have some serious ab work to do, but I'm glad to be back to working out for more pleasant reasons. You know, like stress relief, good health, and some alone time. In fact, for the first time since Laela's birth, I'm starting to feel good in my own skin again. There are still a few things that aren't normal, like that hyper-pigmentation on my stomach that will probably stick around until I stop nursing, but they're much fewer. And, I'm happy to report that the troubling pain at the epidural site on my back is finally gone! I had pretty much resigned myself to feeling like I had a bruise on my back for the rest of my life, so I'm very excited about that one. I just feel very grateful, after spending so much time being unable to get around very well, that I have a body that does pretty much everything I want it to. To be able to run and jump is so nice! And yes, I am aware how out of character these statements are haha. I keep thinking back to high school, when my doctor explained to me, giving me a troubled look as I struggled unsuccessfully to touch my toes, that being skinny does not automatically mean you are healthy haha. Laela and I have enjoying our time with all of her new books and toys. Last night we actually had a tea party, one where she grabbed a toy cake and started chewing on it, and then picked up a tea cup and sipped from it. It was pretty awesome. She also took her first turn with some crayons, and made a few lovely marks. I'm really enjoying her little new discoveries every day. The feeling I get when she suddenly does something I didn't know she knew how to do never gets old. As someone who's super sentimental and not positive about change, I assumed I would spend much of her first year lamenting her growing and changing so fast. And, there are times, especially when I have to pack up a pile of too small little clothes or a piece of outgrown baby equipment, where I do feel a little sad. But mostly I'm really enjoying watching her become a little person. She is scooting around a little, but not quite crawling yet. Her near compulsion to roll onto her stomach has made her sleep schedule a little erratic, but it seems to be improving. All of these positive things have been helping me deal with what is turning out to be an alarming amount of negatives that the new year has brought. Unfortunately there have been a lot of people close to us struggling with health problems. I also lost someone last weekend who was very important to me. I always struggle with knowing how to deal with and express my feelings in such situations. I seem to never know the right thing to do or say, and I always feel like what I'm saying seems forced, even though it is not. But I imagine that is something that I will never quite learn how to do. Sometimes awful things happen without rhyme or reason, and there are no clear ways to process them. But I continue to have hope that the future holds healing and better days.