Lately I have fallen into the pattern of completely sucking at life that I tend toward when I get really stressed out.  For some reason when I need to be productive the most I get overcome with anxiety and end up completely losing steam.  I'm just worried that something will happen that will prevent me from graduating.  That might be because the school contacted me to tell me that I was one requirement short.  It turned out to be an error on my transcript, so hopefully it's fixed, but it just reinforces the fact that there's so many things that can go wrong.  I'm taking two seminar classes, which are very nerve wracking, because you're just supposed to sit around and talk about the readings.  I find it completely impossible to volunteer myself for that kind of interaction.  I hate speaking, and am just crossing my fingers that it won't affect my grades.  I also have two big research papers to do for those classes, and 20 minute presentations to do on each.  I'm way behind where I want to be on the research.  Not to mention that the house is falling apart, and I just don't seem to have the energy to do more than the slightest bit of work.  There's also a lot of yard work that needs to be done before the yard is ready for winter.  And there's Christmas shopping, and graduation announcements and Christmas cards to ship out.  I just feel like I've checked out of life, since every moment I spend not working on things feels stolen.  Sorry to be a downer, I just can't wait until next month.  Every semester this happens, I always feel like I can't make it to the end.  I just wish I responded better to stress than becoming depressed.  

On a far better note, this week my spirits have been lifted, because Barack Obama is going to be our president!  I can't even express how happy I am, every time I think about it I get a smile on my face.  Seeing him speak with my favorite city in the background was just so unbelievably cool, I was dancing around the house.  But, even though I called my grandma to gloat haha, I feel like there really aren't any losers in this.  It's the start of a new day for our country, and for the first time in my life, I'm truly proud to say I'm American.  After 8 years of being told that I wasn't part of America because I don't share the values of a certain group of people, I'm overjoyed at the thought that this signals a more inclusive America.  An American is not one single thing, and that is what makes us so beautiful.  

But, my enthusiasm has been somewhat dimmed by the passage of Prop 8 and the other gay marriage amendments.  I have an incredibly strong belief that everyone has basic rights, and marriage is one of them.  To put a law into place telling two people that their love is somehow not valid and doesn't count is disgusting and inexcusable.  I can't imagine being told that suddenly Jason and I weren't married because a group of people we don't know spent large amounts of time and money to make it so.  I can only hope that someday that time and money will go to people who truly need it, to make a positive impact on the world.  

Sorry again haha, just some things that have been on my mind lately.  I started my Christmas shopping today.  I got Werther and Mortimer some things, including wooden toys that look like chocolates.  So cute.  I also got Jason's Christmas and birthday gifts.  It's still a long way until I'm done.  I love shopping for other people, but we have to be pretty frugal this year, so hopefully I'll still be able to find some fun stuff.  But, I have to confess that I've already found a gift to reward myself haha.  Those ornaments are from Anthropologie, and they're mercury glass.  Last year Martha Stewart had an article in her magazine about vintage Victorian mercury glass ornaments.  I'm so in love with them, but they're not easy to find and they can be really expensive, so I'm really glad that these are affordable.  There, I think that makes things a little less depressing haha.