I'm currently getting ready to go have lunch with Jason. I believe this is only the second time I've done that, since he only gets a half hour for lunch. We'll probably go through the Wendy's drive-thru and eat it in the car. Good times haha. I feel like my last post was a little bit of a bummer, and apparently it surprised some people who didn't know what was going on. I'm still working through my feelings about everything, and I still have bad days occasionally, but things are still going really well. I feel almost like I have to mourn for the experience that I didn't have. One thing I can never remember is that no matter how universal an experience is, it's always colored by the person experiencing it. What I mean is, I bought into the vision of pregnancy that society at large has as being a beautiful, happy time where all bad things are brushed aside because "it is worth it". But, I've never reacted well to change. Like when we moved to Binghamton I barely got out of bed for the first couple of months. Of course having Laela was worth it, but that doesn't mean that the bad things go away. So I felt like it was twice as depressing- once for the actual feelings of anger, detachment and isolation I was feeling, and once for the difference between what I imagined would happen and what actually happened. At least I have Jason around to anticipate these things. When I told him how I was feeling about Laela once things improved, he told me that he figured I would feel neutral towards her for at least 6 months, so things were going better than expected. Unfortunately, I can only be me, no matter the situation, so I guess I'm screwed haha. Anyway, Laela is doing pretty well, but she is going through a bit of a fussy phase. She has started trying to stay awake when she needs to sleep, which makes her cranky. She also had her reflux medicine adjusted due to her increased weight. She still sleeps through the night, but she stays up crying much later than she should. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but the other night she didn't go to bed until 1am. I'm playing the whole putting her on a schedule thing by ear. If this continues I'll consider it. If not, I'm going to wait for a natural schedule to emerge. I just never want to be the kind of parent who's so rigid, they never vary from a schedule. But on the bright side, Laela and I have moved into our bedroom 7 days a week. Up until last week, we were sleeping in the living room during the week so Jason could get sleep, and then moving into the bedroom on the weekends. Other than the occasional fussiness, she's very charming. She thinks Jason is hilarious. At this point, she rarely smiles at other people, which is very flattering haha. If I look at her and don't smile, she cries until I smile, and then she stops and smiles back. It's kind of crazy to have that much control over someone's emotions. We got her a Jumperoo, which she's in love with. More than anything, Laela likes to sit or stand up. She would sleep sitting up if she could. Her head control is really good for a baby her age. She brings a lot of giggles and extremely high-pitched squeals to our lives, and we really enjoy having her around.